it's like a plague

lately, so many people especially the girl...

break up, broken heart, cry out, missing, lonely.

i dont know why this happen, seriously...almost people i know, friend of mine..

most of them broke up with their lover..

simply a simple problem.. "can't do anymore" that's what they said..

is this middle of this year is the risk of a relationship??

i don't know, i can't answer..

because i'm no longer in that part of relationship..

enough of trying

enough of getting hurt

even tough i said it over and over..

still..

getting hurt..

everywhere,inside and out

from every side of my mind

i can still feel it

this hope

a little hope

of being love by the one i love

vanished

i can"t trust

i wont open it, my heart

i'm scared, yes

scared of getting hurt

scared losing you

scared cant get you out of my mind,my head

even though i cant have you,

i close my eyes

those flashback, i can make it appear

when first saw you

never thought of getting know you

but we do

we do know each other finally

i close my eyes,

missing you like a crazy person miss their sanity

i close my eyes,

dreaming you so often

i close my eyes,

breathing in and out,picturing you

i close my eyes,

praying that could meet you

i close my eyes,

listen to the song you like,

i close my eyes,

read over and over text messages

this is my feeling

some fool secret that open her darkness box

next time

nanti, kalo kamu disini,

aku bakal ajak kamu liat ikan-ikan warna warni di sini

aku bakal ajak kamu jalan-jalan ke mal sana sini

aku bakal ajak kamu buat cobain abang ade

aku bakal ajak kamu buat hang out sama temen-temen deket aku

aku bakal ajak kamu makan pagi di pasar pagi makan nasi tim yg menurut aku enak bgt

aku bakal ajak kamu nonton movie

aku bakal ajak kamu liat kampusku seperti apa

aku bakal ajak kamu makan di pluit yang banyak makanan

boleh kan berhayal??

apa yg aku bakal kira-kira lakuin kalo kamu disini,

still my head and my heart keep tellin that i miss you

john mayer

hmm..pertama-tama lagi ngobrol di bb..biasa malem2 kerjanya bbm an..

hahahhaha, jadi gw lagi ngobrol sama anus nih...

namanya adrianus, bukannya anus..dipanggilnya gitu ..wkkwk

jadi lagi nanya2 ttg suka lagu apaan...

the script lah, suka gw...

katanya anus, kalo the script mah kalo lagi didenger pas patah hati, bisa bunuh diri itu...

pas gw pikir-pikir lagi..iya jugaaa yaaa...

liriknya sih gila yang cinta setengah mati gitu trus ditinggalin and harus move on gitu...

trus dia bilang mendingan john mayer...

enak lagunya, liriknya sedikit-sedikit,simple tapi menusuk di hati dari berbagai sisi..

gw search donk lagu-lagunya, iyaaaaaaa.... liriknya pendek-pendek gitu tapi dalem gitu...

sejak itu gw dengerin terus...hahhhaa tapi emang enak lagunya..

gw jadi demen john mayerrrrr....hohoho

30 agustus, kamis

udah dua hari berturut-turut gw masak sop buntut..kalo diitung2 udah berkali kali gw masak sop buntut.keahlian gw dalam membuat itu makanan saking seringnya buat..

bukannya gak mau buat yang laen..cuman setiap mau buat, pasti ada aja tu buntut muncul lagi dibeliin..

gak bosen apa ya makan itu mulu..gw sih gak bosen ya scara makan juga dikit2..

cuman makan yg laen bole donkk..kaya rawon ke apa ke..

jadi gw memutuskan akan buat rawon setelah buntut yang di kulkas habis..

liburan masih lama selesainyaa...

masih 18 hari lagi...dan itu lama buat gw...lamaaaa banget...

gak tahan liburan kalo gak ngapa2in...

mendingan masuk aja deh ada kegiatan..ketemu temen juga...

bukannya di sini gak ada temen, cuman banyak yg lagi jalan2 ke luar negeri juga..

jadinya gw yg gak jalan2 ke luar negeri yah di rumah aja,,palingan jalan2 ke mall..

bosennn bgt ke mall...huhuhu

ohya, gw blakangan ini mikir pengen bgt potong rambut yang super duper pendek...

cuman...banyak bgt yg gk stuju...katanya sayang..

jadi gimana ya..apa taun depan? hmm bingungggg

kayanya asik de punya rambut pendek..cuman tar pas mau panjangnya itu

najis de harus bertaun2 kayanya nunggu panjang...

norago

gw suka lagu dan liriknya.... tapi gw gak suka cowo2nya nyanyi2 sambil nari2 gitu..mending gak usah nari..hahahhaha gak tau knapa gw gak suka cowo nyanyi sambil nari.. kayanya gak enak aja liatnya hahahhaa :p

it's you,it's you

it's only you, it's you

i don't need another person, it's just you

even you ask me once more, it's just you

you might already have another love

but i can't help it, i can't turn around

in the moment i saw your eyes

in that moment my heart was captured by you

without regrets, i choose just you

that's right,it's you

oh i don't care what anyone anyone says

even if anyone anyone curse, i only look at you

even if i were born again, it's merely only you

even if time flows

even if i say that i love you a thousand times,

even if i say it ten thousand times

even if my heart burns so much that my mouth goes dry

even if i born again, it's merely only you

even if time flows

o o only for you....

i dont need any word, it just you

even if it's too late,it's just you

i know this love is wrong

but i cant give up, there's no way i can let you go

my cold lips keep calling for you

they cry out seeking your warmth

even though i call for you and get no answer, i'm still waiting

lalalalalalal//////

btw... gw gak bisa masukin itu video knapa ya lamaaaaa bgt ampe gak tahan deh...

mls bgt mana internetnya juga mati2 mulu..sialan de... huhu

sick sick sick, why !!!!

been 58 days ago..

days so long..

time so long..

so slow..hh

it's the third day i got sick..

not just like ordinary sick...i got fever,headache,cough,and cold..

everybody suggest me go to the doctor..or hospital at least..cause many people also getting sick ,dunno why..

i dont have the feeling to go to doctor or hospital, cause i think nothing serious... later if getting worst then maybe i go to doctor...

after i got cold, dammit i think i got h1n1... i called my friend,merry.. she asking me if i vomiting or not, then i said no..then she said "no stupid, u didnt get h1n1"

arghh..i feel so relieved..think i'm going die... =='

when we get sick, ever feel that we need someone which we care about, we love about, to stay beside you? even for 1 minute?

i feel that feeling when my worst condition, at second day..

missing someone like crazy, oh god..

3 days of doing nothing

3days just sleep whole day

3 days in bed just watching AFC

like right now, also watch afc, which they showing about bagel!!!!

oooohhh i so want that...huhuhu

hope tomorrow getting better....

tired of getting sick

hari yang menegangkan

hmm... hari ini hari yang sangat menegangkan menurut gw sih....

pertama,,, gw harus bayar uang kuliah semester 3 ini..dan hari ini tuh terakhir!

tapi gw tetep gak bisa bayar karena papi belum transfer uangnya ke rekening gw..

kesel donk..gimana nih kalo gw gak bayar hari ini katanya kan bisa bisa nanti gw cuti kuliahh!!!!!

gilaaaa!!! gak maooo ge cuti!!! 6 bulan mo ngapain coba!!! mati aja gw..

panik kan..tapi apaan, gw tuh udah bilang dari 4 hari yang lalu,, tapi gw yang disalahin katanya knapa baru ngomong 4 hari yg lalu lalala....

yang akhirannya tetep gw kalah dan akhirnya gw gak peduli lagi deh masalah itu bayaran..

pusing! bodo deh..

udah gitu les mandarin juga di komplainnn terus... mati deh...pusing gw lama2...

then after have some mandarin course, me with some friends go to yus tattoo and made some..me in the hand, and other friend in the hand too with an angel picture...like have some wings like somethin like that..me just a star..

ang the damn thing is like burnin,,it feel like burnin..and oso have to keep it from the parents....

so difficult coz mine have in the hand..huhuh

just hope that they wouldnt know until dunno when...

hari ini juga nuel ulang tahun, sempet kerumahnya sebentar makan nasi uduk, yah ngehormatin aja sih... abis itu lanjut cabut dari sana makan korea di darmawangsa situ ama bonyok..

gila mau makan aja susah,,,,musti hati2... gak tau ni ampe kapan pake tangan panjang dehh hahahaha

oh yaaa!!! harry potter juga! filnya gak sebagus yang dikiraaaa...

gw kira mah bagus bgt tapi ternyata gakk,, huhuhu

menyedihkan,,,

skrg tinggal nunggu mau ntn public enemies aja deh nih... hhhh

oh ya..hari ini juga menegangkan karena ritz carlton ama jw kena bom..

ya ampunnn knapa sih indonesia inii.....

uda tau bagus2 mu mau dateng ke sini,, knapa pake ada bom2an!!!!

knapa makin merusak indonesia aja sihhh jakarta lebih tepatnya...

mau jadi apa nantinyaaaa haia

makin lama makin rusak kannn!!!!

gara2 bom gw juga jadi gak bisa pergi2,,,

tadinya bsk mau pergi juga gak jadi...arghhhhhhhhh

menyebalkannnnnn....

jadi pasrah di rumah aja, internetan, chatting,msn, text messaging her,missing her, and hear some song...

ice age3

kmarin kan nonton ice age sama meri ruth adri.. ber empat nih ceritanyaaaa

perdana nih ntn ice age3 yang 3d..

gak pernah sebelumnya ntn 3d!!!! jadi ni baru pertama kali ceritanyaaa... heheheh

nahhh uda donk ntn... gimana yah..gw sih rada puyeng yah..ato minus mata gw? kayanya gak mungkin juga scara mata gw normal de kayanya...

tapi bagusss lucu bgt tu filmmm, gila deh lucu abis..

apalagi baby mammoth nya.. ih imut banget! pas lagi baru lahir nya itu ihhhhhh lucu abissss

mati dehhh

nahh temen gw si timothy namanya.. dia bilang ke gw suruh bawa pulang tu kacamata...

nah gw pikir emang bisa di bawa pulang.. gw uda inget2 aja..

ehhh ternyata gak boleh di bawa pulang! gw taunya pas

pertama masuk bioskop, itu dikasi kacamata, nah mungkin gw terlalu deket ama pintu masuk jadinya bunyiii!!!

gw lgsg sdr kalo itu ada kaya sensor gitu kalo buat org nyuri tu kacamata jadi ketauan!

untung gw gak bawa pulang, masukin tas! bisa di tangkeppp kan bikin maluuuuu

hohohoho

la la la la bersihin kamarr

wow....

makin banyak ajah orang tua yang meninggal akhir2 ini knapa yaaaaaa

setelah yang kemarin ini meninggal , menyusul satu lagi dari keluarga saya...

oma nya shula.. shula itu saudaraku juga.. yah wajar sih udah umur 90 tahun juga!

n suami nya lagi kritis di rumah sakit.. wew..

trus satu lagi yang meninggal.. buyut gw dari pihak nyokap kandung..

waaww, skrg gw jadi gak punya buyut deh,... dua-duanya mninggal di tahun ini..

mungkin banyak bayi yang lahir kali ya tahun ini makanya jadi pada banyak juga yang mninggal?

ngaruh gak sih itu? hahahahaahha

hari ini gw beresin kamar.. biasa, rutinitas hari minggu itu beresin dan bersihin kamar..

laluuuu gilaa smua barang yang gak kepake ato emang yah buat pajang2 ajah gw rapihin masukin kardus, taro gudang..

skrg jadi rapihhhh kayanya gak banyak barang lagi di kamarr

hahahahha tapi jadi sepi gitu..

marilah kita lihat seminggu ke depan, apakah tetep kaya gini ato uda amburadul lagi? hmmm

hurting too much, cant stand anymore

i'm crying util the last drop tears,

until there's no more tears left..

i'm hurting all inside

maybe u cannot see it, maybe i also wanna hide it,

dont want you to see it..

but i cannot pretend anymore, cannot pretend that everything is just fine, that my life is extremely good.

i cannot anymore..

i'm broken, i'm hurting,

feel like just wanna die

my life is so fucked up, my family so extremely terrible

for couple years,at least for this 19 years i'm holding on..

i'm asking, mom, why don't u love me?why u don't have time to look up for me? why you never call me ?why i must be the first one to look up to you? why you never care for me?

you must know that i try to love you even you don't love me,even it hurt my heart.

i also asking, dad, why you always push me into something i cannot do? why you always blame me if u do something wrong? why you never think what make me happy? why you always so selfish? why you look everthing, everyone about money?why cant u be just like everyone dad?that love her daughter with all of his heart, dont want the daughter sad, chatting with daughter, have some joke? why cant you?

it's killing me

i just cant stand anymore

i need to go, but this isnt the time

i need someone, who can take me away from all of this pain

i need someone which i dont need to pretend my happy face while inside i already broken enough..

hurt is it? loving someone?love the person you love not enough loving you??

yes it is.much.

for someone

been 41 days since met you

everything change

i dont know why

that day, just one day,

cannot forget that day

but life seems better

i become more happier

even can't see you from close

even can't talk to you face to face

it is okay..

already lucky enough to know you.

it's a lie if i tell ppl its doesnt matter if i can't meet you

cause deep inside i do really want meet you for the second time

it's a lie if i tell ppl i'm not missin you

cause i missin u every day, every single moments

it's a lie if i tell ppl i dont care about you

cause i care,

never thought this would happen

tell me, what it is, this feeling,this mean

i rmb every things u like dat u said

banana , fruit cake , mc chicken

durian , black forest , lemon ice cream

mocha , dumpling , sour and hot food

cherry , stuff crust pizza, rainy day

yellow , cheese but not cheesecake , like to drink

purple , atmosphere of beach

cookies , limao syrup , view from your hostel

when it's your birthday, webcam with you

i'm so happy see you there happy celebrate with sam and the other

when you said you missin me for the first time,

never believe that you would miss me

when you said u worry about me cause i havent text you whole day

i'm so happy cause for me dat mean you think of me,,,

well, i'm just saying that u're mean so much..

never i felt this feeling like now, feeling like wanna try the best i can to do..

never i felt missin someone so much untill in my head i can see you beside me, smiling, and i just imagine hugging you cause i miss you so much..

just want u know that u are so special.

october,june,july, august,december

just see some test, people born at october,,usually they :

* loves to chat
* love People who love her/him back
* directly leads to the central problems
* Interesting and clever blandish
* Own and beauty in the outside
* Not like to lie or pretend
* Sympathetic
* like treat people as critical friend
* Always try to find friend
* Is easy to get hurt and also easy to 'recover'
* Temperamen bad
* Selfish
* Seldom helps unless requested
* imaginary
* easy affected by personal opinion
* dont matter of the opinion of others
* Emotional
* quick make decisions
* Great fortune
* adventurous, art, and literature works
* Said gentleman, loving and caring
* Romantic
* Easy-skinned and easily jealous
* really attention to other people
* prefer outdoor than indoor
* Fair and not biased
* Spendthrift and easily influenced
* Easily lose confidence

for june :

* Thinking that far with vision, strong
* Easily influenced by kindness
* Politely and said softly
* Having a lot of ideas
* Sensitive
* active thinking
* sometime not sure of doing something
* like to hold or delay something
* Voter and tend to only want the best
* temperamental
* Wacky humor and love
* like to jokes
* Having the ability to debate whether
* Sourish
* imaginary
* friendly person
* Abiding/respect in the regulation
* Ability to showing her/his characters
* Easy get hurt
* Easy fell ill
* love to make herself/himself beauty
* Bored easy
* Complainer
* It takes time for heal the broken heart
* knows and realize of brands
* Decision-makers
* Hard head/ mulish

for july :

* nice people
* Full of secret
* hard to measured and understood
* Taciturn(quiet person), except when tense
* Proud of themselves
* Having a reputation
* Easy to be appeased
* honest
* Care about other people.
* easy to received
* friendly
* Easy to get close
* Very emotional
* Temperamental and can not be predicted
* Mood changes easy and easy to hurt
* Perceptivity
* Sentimental
* Not avengeful
* forgivefull, but not easy to forget
* Not like the stuff that does not need to
* Ability to guide others both physically and mentally
* Sensitive and forms the image of oneself carefully
* likes attention and love
* Treat all people the same
* Standby sharp and always hold
* Assessing the observations through
* Hard worker

for december :

* Patriotic
* Active involvement in the game or interaction
* Poor patient and in a hurry
* Ambitious
* Effect in the organization
* Fun

* socializing * love to be care * like to be loved * love to be praised * honest and can be trusted * Do not like to pretend * easy get angry * easy change personality * not selfish * proud of himself/herself * have good sense of humor * like joking * dont like to be tamed * logic * loyal and faithfull for august : * love to joke * Interesting * Easy and very blandish attention * brave and not easy to get scare / fear * Firm and have the nature of leadership * Know how to entertain people * Magnanimous and too selfish * proud of himself/herself * Thirst compliment * The spirit of the extraordinary * Easy to get anger * easy angry * Easily jealous * A good observer * Always alert and becarefull * Thinking fast * Thinking independently * love to lead * Like dreaming * Talented in the field of music, art, and defense * Sensitive, in ways that are less fun * Easy to fall ill * Tend to hurry * Must be quiet study * Romantic * Love and caring * love to have many friends

hmmph.....

got new song from her.. and it is a nice song,

just put in the playlist on the top ♥

alive by black eyed peas----

feeling better after sleeping a while, cause before i have a feeling like i'm going sick,

but now better^^ maybe just too tired yesterday..hmmph ( tired sit in the car for almost 4 hours!) this because i have to pick up one of my friends that live so so far away, like in the end of jakarta! bekasi!!! almost bekasi timur!!omg..and go to the restaurant which is in rawamangun...too damn tired..

now gotta get ready.. some friends ask me join with them hanging out in sarinah,

and the other ask me join club in vertigo..

not going to club, doesnt have the feeling to go

so i choose go to sarinah,, have a cup of coffee and chat with them

wanna watch ice age 3D!!!! some frens said it's good, funny...

maybe next week go watch it..

short semester almost over, next week at tuesday think going will be MICE final

exam(presentation)

then another week at monday Marketing final exam, and in wednesday statistic final exam..

then holiday for a month!!dunno what i'm gonna do at holiday..wanna meet her,see her so bad but can't, still too early going back again ..so sad T.T hmmph

have 2 option.. go to bali or go to karimun island..

if dont go to bali, then go to karimun island^^ they said karimun is a nice place..

really nice place..this picture i took at google..

look nice rite???

teman

teman..

apa sih artinya teman..

iya gw punya banyak teman..

gw kenal banyak orang...

orang banyak kenal gw..

tapi setelah satu kata dari nyokap gw

"kayanya mami iat kamu gak punya sohib deh"

gw baru sadar..

pertama gw masih nyangkal dengan bilang

"punya kali,"

dan setelah dia bilang lagi dengan

"mana, siapa? kalo ada mah kamu juga udah sering pegi kali, mau kata sesibuk apapun pasti sering ketemu pegi bareng"

jantung serasa ditusuk...

bener juga kata dia..

gw jadi mikir..

gw ternyata gak punya temen yang bisa bener2 sedeket itu, yang kalo apa2 pasti ke dia, jalan bareng, yah gitu2 deh..

slama ini gw nganggep ada sih satu ato dua orang yg gw pikir temen deket gw,,,

tapi pikir deh..

kalo emang dia nganggep gw temen deket nya,, dia pasti cerita2 donk ama gw..

ini gak, dia kaya punya dunia sendiri..gw mau cari dia aja susah bgt..

seakan akan kaya dia emang ngerti gw, dan gw berusaha untuk mau ngerti dia, tapi dia kaya menutup kehidupannya dari gw..gimana bisa dibilang sahabat kalo kaya gitu?

gw juga baru sadar knapa gw kesepian kaya gini..yah gitu .. gak ada yg bener2 deket sama gw ..

gw berfikir buat cari solusi cari temen bae..

tapi..salah satu temen gw bilang buat apa kaya gitu, nikmatin aja..slama masih punya temen juga kan..

iya juga sih..gw nikmatin aja